Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
6:54 pm
Fri August 2, 2013

Limericks

Originally published on Sat August 3, 2013 11:37 am

Copyright 2014 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JEN FRITZ: Hi, this is Jen Fritz from Oak Park, Illinois.

SAGAL: Hey, Oak Park is a lovely place, or so I've heard. And what do you do there?

FRITZ: I work as a family medicine physician assistant and also a new mom.

SAGAL: Oh, congratulations.

FRITZ: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Jen, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is now going to perform for you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

FRITZ: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: In a land where class lines are not blurred, a feathery pet is preferred. If it's comfort you wish, get a dog, cat, or fish. But for status one must have a?

FRITZ: Bird.

SAGAL: Yes, a bird.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Forget tiny dogs or monkeys, the latest status pet for horrible people are birds. According to British socialite magazine Tatler, rich people are populating their front lawns with peacocks or cornish game hens, much like the aristocrats of old, or crazy people.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: But you know what would be cool?

SAGAL: What?

BABYLON: Like, I saw this (unintelligible) guy had a falcon on one of those "Game of Thrones" things. That's pretty swagged out.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: If I saw a guy with, like, a falcon just standing there at a bar or something like, man, you're going in a good direction. I would think I like where you're headed.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Falcon ring.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: He would be your wing man.

BABYLON: That's true. Yes, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: At lunch I just stare at my phone, because eye contact turns me to stone. It's a large dining hall, but it's private for all. With dividers, we all eat?

FRITZ: Alone.

SAGAL: Alone, yes. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Nobody likes to eat alone, and certainly you don't want to be seen eating alone. So rather than help people make friends, Kyoto University has installed so-called lonely seats in the cafeteria. The dining tables have special dividers to hide your tears as you cry into your sandwich at lunch. Because instead of the shame of eating alone, you can have the pride of eating at something called the lonely seat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: I like meat but I don't condone murder. So I take DNA sampling further. Once this Petri dish fills, I'll go straight to the grill. I'm serving my own test-tube?

FRITZ: Platter?

SAGAL: Not platter, no, although that would be tasty. Let's try it again. Let's hear it one more time, Carl, if you don't mind, and we'll get the rhyme. Here we go.

KASELL: I like meat but I don't condone murder. So I take DNA sampling further. Once this Petri dish fills, I'll go straight to the grill. I'm serving my own test-tube?

FRITZ: Not platter.

SAGAL: No.

GOLDTHWAIT: What rhymes with further?

FRITZ: Further?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: And murder.

FRITZ: And murder.

SAGAL: One last guess, what do you think?

ROBERTS: Murder, further.

SAGAL: How about...

GOLDTHWAIT: What do you put on the grill, lady?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What?

FRITZ: Frankfurter?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're close. I'll give it to you. You've already won. It's burger.

FRITZ: Burger.

SAGAL: This week the first ever lab-grown hamburger was served in London. The burger cost nearly $400,000 to make, which seems like a lot but that includes fries. So, Carl, how did Jen do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jen, you did fine. You had two correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

FRITZ: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you for playing, Jen.

FRITZ: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.