Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
8:16 am
Sat September 15, 2012

Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and our show next week in Atlanta at the Fox Theater. Hi, you're on "WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!"

RYAN RAMIREZ: Hey, this is Ryan from Seabrook, Texas.

SAGAL: Hey, where is Seabrook, Texas?

RAMIREZ: It's a suburb of Houston.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

RAMIREZ: I design Christmas trees 10,000 feet under the water.

SAGAL: That seems like a cruel thing to do to a Christmas tree.

RAMIREZ: Yeah, it's not really a Christmas tree. They put that on top of the well to direct the oil where it needs to go.

SAGAL: Oh, so these are the things on the bottom of the ocean that sort of cap the wells?

RAMIREZ: Yeah, correct.

P. J. O'ROURKE: You didn't design the BP one, did you?

(LAUGHTER)

RAMIREZ: No, no.

SAGAL: That was some other guy.

RAMIREZ: That was a friend of mine.

O'ROURKE: That was my brother.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Ryan, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you'll be a big winner. Here in your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: We look at this building askance. The towers adopt a wide stance. Above, they're conjoined, it looks like a groin. Our sky-scraper looks just like?

RAMIREZ: I have absolutely no idea.

SAGAL: Well, it rhymes with askance and stance. That's a hint.

RAMIREZ: Pants, I don't know.

SAGAL: Yes, pants, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It was supposed to be China's answer to the Arc de Triomphe, but when British design firm RMJM unveiled the towering "Gate to the East" skyscraper, what people saw in the design instead was quote "a giant pair of pants."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Critics are now calling it, quote "Pants of the East" Employees there though are working hard, hoping to one day end up in the coveted Crotch Office.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Peaceful cinemas found their harbinja. Let's just hope cell phone culprits aren't injaed. We've got stealthy recruits in some dark, skin-tight suits. Yes, we've stocked empty seats with some?

RAMIREZ: Boots.

SAGAL: No, rhymes with harbinja.

O'ROURKE: Nothing rhymes with harbinja.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This does.

KURTIS: Injaed.

SAGAL: This does. Stealthy, dark skin-tight suits. How about ninjas?

RAMIREZ: Ninjas, oh my god.

SAGAL: Three British theaters have hired ninjas...

RAMIREZ: Wow.

SAGAL: Who pounce on people during the movie if they are disrupting other audience members.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We thought you'd like this idea.

You're chatting on your phone, and you look up and you think, "Wow, this 3D in the cinema is really amazing. It looks like that ninja throwing star is coming right for my head.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The ninjas are doing great. They do complain, though, it's so hard to sneak up on their victims in silence when their feet keep sticking to the floor.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: An incidentally, as a limerick, that was not up there with "there once was a man from Nantucket."

SAGAL: No, well...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You rhyme ninja. All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Let's determine the president's vote on who might keep a vessel afloat. Let that seal the fate for our grand ship of state. Tell us, who would you trust with a?

RAMIREZ: Boat.

SAGAL: Yes, a boat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a new Washington Post poll, President Obama narrowly beats Mitt Romney when it comes to which candidate voters would want to captain their ship in a storm. That's what the poll asked them. But what are voters thinking? There is no way President Obama knows more than Mitt Romney when it comes to yachting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you were on a ship in a storm, and it started to sink, Captain Obama would try to negotiate in good faith with the ocean, while Captain Romney, much more effective, would simply step onto his other boat.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Good grief. Bill, how did Ryan do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he did great. He got two out of three, and that's enough to win Carl Kasell's voice on his voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations and thanks for playing.

RAMIREZ: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.