KASU

Limericks

Nov 11, 2017
Originally published on November 11, 2017 11:53 am
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Ill.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

HANNAH HARVESTER: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

HARVESTER: This is Hannah from Conway, Mass.

SAGAL: How are things in Conway, Mass.?

HARVESTER: So beautiful.

SAGAL: I'm so glad. I actually have spent a lot of time in Massachusetts. I don't know where Conway is. Where is it?

HARVESTER: Nobody knows.

P.J. O'ROURKE: Well, don't tell, Hannah.

(LAUGHTER)

HARVESTER: It's in the Berkshire foot hills.

SAGAL: Oh, how nice. Hannah, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

HARVESTER: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: A great place for unadorned food that's not for the timid or prude. At O'naturel, it's all show, no tell because all of the diners are...

HARVESTER: Nude.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. This week, Paris opened the first ever all-nude cafe. Well, the first one that's intentional.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's called O'naturel, which is also a good last name for a leprechaun stripper.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You check your coat at the coat check. Your check your pants at the pants check. And there you go. You enjoy a meal in the buff once you figure out what the hell you tuck your napkin into.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Diners report the freedom from clothing allows them to focus on thinking about the meal and who sat in their chair before they did.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Oh, that just sounds awful.

SAGAL: It does sound just terrible.

O'ROURKE: I mean, William S. Burroughs' "Naked Lunch."

BODETT: Oh, there it is.

O'ROURKE: (Laughter) He was, like, way, way ahead of the curve. And that was not meant to be a comforting idea.

SAGAL: No. They do serve just little mini baguettes. They don't want anybody to feel bad.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: The problem I have with all of these is - has less to do with just do I want to, you know, sit around with a bunch of new people - is I'd just be cold.

O'ROURKE: (Laughter).

ROBERTS: I'd be cold all the time.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Yeah. I mean, would you even eat alone in your house nude?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I mean, why would you do that?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Hannah, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: More dressing our customers beg. So our sizing will take up a peg. Five liters of ranch is a big avalanche. Like beer, it is sold by the...

HARVESTER: Keg.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Keg.

KURTIS: You are good.

SAGAL: If you're the kind of person who eats a salad and is upset whenever anything actually crunches, then you will want...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...To check out the Hidden Valley keg of ranch salad dressing. It's perfect when you need to go straight from keg stand to keg sit...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...And keg lying down in the ICU. It's 5 liters of emulsified, oily goodness on tap. It's perfect for your next fat party.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I got flowers and one lovely note from a hoofed, horny kid with a tote. Though I'm not a farmer, I think he's a charmer. The flowers who were brought by a...

HARVESTER: Goat.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. It's called a goat gram.

KURTIS: Three in a row. Wow.

SAGAL: When you actually don't care enough to send the very best.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For just a hundred dollars, a florist in Portland, Ore., will send a bouquet of flowers with two goats to your door, at which point, if you like, you can feed the flowers to the goats.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Seriously, that's part of it. Like, oh, flowers are nice. Oh, I can give it to these goats who just happen to be here. And then...

O'ROURKE: Hey, that's sustainable.

SAGAL: It's very sustainable.

O'ROURKE: It's a sustainable project.

SAGAL: Then they'll eat any other flowers you have lying around.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Then they'll eat part of your couch.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sending a goat is basically sending an everything-is-edible arrangement.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Hannah do on our quiz?

KURTIS: There you go, Hannah. You won the trifecta. All three.

HARVESTER: Yay.

O'ROURKE: Excellent, Hannah.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Hannah.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Hannah.

(SOUNDBITE OF YOUTUBE VIDEO, "TROUBLE (GOAT REMIX)")

TAYLOR SWIFT: (Singing) Now I'm lying on the cold, hard ground.

(SOUNDBITE OF GOAT SCREAMING)

SWIFT: (Singing) Trouble, trouble, trouble.

(SOUNDBITE OF GOAT SCREAMING)

SWIFT: (Singing) Trouble... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.