Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
11:00 am
Sat January 28, 2012

Limericks

Originally published on Sat January 28, 2012 10:07 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, that's waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and you can check out our "How to do Everything" podcast. This week: how to stop the president when he wants to put a really bad joke in his State of the Union speech.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We know who should listen to that one. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JESSICA HIRSCHHORN: Hi, this is Jessica Hirschhorn from Bethesda, Maryland.

SAGAL: Hey Jessica, how are you?

HIRSCHHORN: I'm fine.

SAGAL: How are things in Bethesda?

HIRSCHHORN: Cold.

SAGAL: Yes. What do you do to enjoy yourself in Bethesda?

HIRSCHHORN: I walk, I bike.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HIRSCHHORN: I garden. I try to grow vegetables.

SAGAL: How's it go?

HIRSCHHORN: Not so good.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jessica, it's nice to have you with us. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job, of course, complete them two times out of three. Ready to do it?

HIRSCHHORN: You bet.

SAGAL: Let's hear the first one.

CARL KASELL: I have seen how they keep bovine trotters fed, and they're kept in some real shabby squatter's shed. But when my cows get rest, they get only the best. My cows go to sleep on a?

HIRSCHHORN: Waterbed.

SAGAL: Yes, waterbed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Okay, this is true. Some farmers in Ohio swear that letting their cows sleep on waterbeds makes them more comfortable. It means better milk. The problem is, though, the cows who sleep on the waterbeds tend to be a certain type. It's easy to tell. If the cow has a mullet and a Corvette...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's a waterbed cow. If your hamburger tastes like Axe body spray, it was a waterbed cow.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Do you know anybody who still has a waterbed?

SAGAL: We were wondering about...

PETER GROSZ: You're sitting next to one, baby.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: A waterbed and a DeLorean. That's why he...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just imagine the cows hanging out, you know, on his waterbed, shirt open, gold chain hanging down to its udders, you know.

GROSZ: This is the life.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Must be nice.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's a good life.

GROSZ: You guys want to go upstairs and do some powdered milk?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: The Disneyland employees cheered; no more must our stubble be cleared. Let's all have a race to grow hair on our face, for we workers may now grow a?

HIRSCHHORN: Beard.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: As you know, Disney, a very strict place to work, the theme parks. They've had a strict dress code; they've not allowed facial hair. It makes sense. You can't send out Cinderella with stubble. You'll shatter some kid's dreams.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, Disney announced that for the first time ever workers will now be allowed to grow beards or very cool goatees. This will make the seven dwarves more accurate. It will teach kids a lesson about what happens to Sleeping Beauty after she's been in bed for a hundred years.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Now, Peter, if I take my family to Walt Disney World and spend, what, a thousand dollars for two days, I want everyone to be clean shaven and looking awesome.

SAGAL: Really?

BABYLON: I don't want...

GROSZ: Yeah, you can go to Starbucks if you need a beard.

BABYLON: Yeah.

GROSZ: A bearded employee to help you out with something.

BABYLON: What's next?

GROSZ: I don't know. Lefties are allowed to work here.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: When patients are in nitrous vapor's grip, sometimes I let the odd scraper slip. And then root-canal-wise I'll use office supplies and I hold things in place with a?

HIRSCHHORN: Paper clip.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, paper clip.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You know that old saying: desperate times call for horrifying unhygienic measures. This week, a Massachusetts dentist admitted he'd substituted stainless steel posts in the root canals he was doing with bits of paperclip. Asked why, Dr. Michael Clair said something, we have no idea what it was because his mouth was stuffed with post-it notes.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jessica do?

KASELL: Jessica had three correct answers, Peter. So Jessica, congratulations, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Jessica.

HIRSCHHORN: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.